“Index Case” by Index Case

Artist: Index Case
Title: Index case
Label: Mortal Music
Release Date: September 27, 2005
Genre: Metal
Rating: 0/5 (the zero’s for making me feel like a pussy just for listening to it)

You know those totally wimped-out and ball-less bands seen performing in teen hangouts on TV shows like “Smallville” and “Buffy the Vampire Slayer?” Well, allow me to introduce you to their allegedly metal cousin. The bombast, fire & brimstone, and general badassery — to say nothing of the testosterone — found in real examples of the genre are wholly lacking here, the album itself being so innocuous and twee that you wouldn’t be surprised to catch your eleven-year-old sister listening to and mooning over how sensitive the singer, Joe Ansley, is.

This utter tamponathon lurches from one track to the next, each as sappy as its predecessor and mesmerizingly boring. To people who like actual metal, this album is an insult and could probably be considered the aural equivalent to Kryptonite in the way its invisible and insidious emanations rob one of manly strength. Short of surgical castration, this is as close as you’ll ever get having your boys shorn from their fleshly moorings and deposited in the nearest medical waste bin. Seriously, I want to kick my own ass for having listened this treacle.

And don’t be surprised if some suit at the CW network gets his hands on this album and develops a TV series around this cuddly quartet, thereby providing a nation’s worth of hard-offs for the guys while simultaneously manufacturing a new genre for the teeny-bopper gals to enjoy, and I hereby dub this theoretical genre “Wuss Metal.” Remember, you read it here first!

Track Listing:
1. Listen
2. Deserver
3. The L
4. Between Us
5. Why Dreams Bleed
6. The Wounded
7. Perfect Season
8. II
9. Silent Side Of You
10. Fetish
11. Sincere
12. For Nothing

Official Website: www.indexcase.com

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