Attention mortals, please stop whatever unimportant thing you are doing and attend to the latest news from those Intergalactic Titans of Terror in GWAR who have mapped out a course of punishment for your paltry selves to indulge in.
The Press Release:
Attention Bohabs! Fresh from the slaughter of countless thousands of metal fans in Mexico City at the Corona Hell and Heaven Festival last weekend, your Lordsand Masters GWAR have announced new headline shows this summer and fall as part of “The Blood Of Gods Tour”. Joining GWAR on the tour will be Light The Torch. A complete list of dates can be found below. Again, during this tour GWAR will offer the:
“GWAR LORDS & MASTERS VIP EXPERIENCE PACKAGE”
-One (1) General Admission Ticket with Venue Early Entry
-Exclusive access to GWAR soundcheck where you will pledge allegiance to your Lords & Masters!
-Invitation to play a GWAR instrument onstage at soundcheck
-Tour of the weapons of your Lords & Masters
-Early Merch Access to avoid the crowds
-One (1) Souvenir item signed by members of GWAR
-One (1) Souvenir GWAR laminate
-Photo opportunity with GWAR before the show
-You will be killed by GWAR on stage during the show.
-Designated Slave Pit Area to pledge your allegiance
-Get killed on stage by GWAR! (18+ only)
VIP Packages will be available exclusively at https://www.gwarvip.com.
Tickets will be available at GWAR.net.
All tickets and VIP packages will go on sale this Friday May 18th at 10:00 local time.
Blothar the Beserker on the upcoming tour, “Foolish Talking Apes! The world is our circus, and you are our monkeys! Come, swallow my sword and bear witness to the greatest happening in superhuman history! GWAR’s Blood of God’s tour will change your meaningless lives. A true mutated menagarie of malevolence the likes of which have never been seen”.
Guitarist Pustulus Maximus adds, “I can’t wait to pursue my new career in academia and teach the people of America their ABC’s: Anal, Booze and Cocaine”
GWAR W/ Light The Torch and TBD:
7/11: Ft. Wayne, IN @ Piere’s#
7/12: Cadott, WI @ Rock Fest*
7/13: Grand Rapids, MI @ The Intersection**
7/14: Des Moines, IA @ Wooly’s**
7/15: Lincoln, NE @ The Bourbon Theatre**
7/16: Columbia, MO @ The Blue Note**
7/17: Springfield, MO @ The Complex**
7/20: Asheville, NC @ The Orange Peel**
9/13: Norfolk, VA @ The Norva
9/14: Millvale, PA @ Mr. Small’s Theatre
#DevilDriver Appears this date only
**Light The Torch on July Dates Only
*** end of transmission ***
PiercingMetal Thoughts: Sadly, none of these shows are happening in my region so I will have to leave the mindf–king experience to you lot. It’s always a great, but very messy time at a GWAR show so please plan ahead and dress in your Sunday worst since its going to get soaked with all sorts of fluids (man that does NOT read back well)…..let me close up by asking what you think of this tour and if you think that you will be in attendance. Chime in down in the comments you talking and typing apes!!!! GWAR has commanded you do thusly, sorry, I’ve gotten carried away for a moment and I will just head towards the door now.